Breaking Through


You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever! (Psalm 30:11-12)

Read: Ezra 7:1 – 8:20, 1 Corinthians 4:1-21, Psalm 30:1-12, Proverbs 20:28-30

Relate: I think it is crazy that Psalm 30 popped up as the Psalm for today’s Bible reading. No, not crazy… God. He knows what He’s doing. Can I get a little raw with you?

For those who have read Absentee Apologies, you might have noticed I have been back writing off and on much sooner than I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be on an extended walk that was going to take me nearly a month. But here I am, a week later writing new stuff.

At the end of the third day of that walk I sprained my ankle. The tiredness and physical exertion might have had some to do with it, but really it was one of those random stupid injuries that could have happened anytime, anywhere. I was sitting on a rock ledge taking a ten minute breather. When it was time to push on, I hopped off that ledge and my foot landed on uneven ground. It rolled. I collapsed. And that was the end of the walk. I tried going on for a bit and then tried to rest it while staying in a hotel in a city just off my course, but it was clear I was done.

I was on a bus back to Istanbul, three weeks earlier than I wanted to be. Since that time I’ve been pretty much stuck at home, staying off my foot as much as possible while waiting for the slow healing a sprain requires. I was upset for a bit that such a stupid injury wrecked all my plans but as the boredom of hours stretched into days I simply stopped caring. About everything. For the past four or five days I’ve been moping around the house, reading, feeling sorry for myself, and doing a whole bunch of nothing.

React: Last night I was sitting in my chair reading some historical fiction while Bethel was playing in the background. The spontaneous song below was playing but it wasn’t even registering as I read until that one statement at 2:40 broke through. Those words stopped me in my tracks, I put the nook down, and just wept. I had been feeling down, but I wouldn’t have thought I was in depression. I wouldn’t have called my mental state “mourning”. But if the joy of the Lord is our strength, then I was certainly weak. I have said before and firmly believe that the opposite of love if not hate but rather apathy. In the same manner my lethargy could be considered the opposite of joy.

God knew what I needed and with one random statement from one random song He broke through. That opportunity only came because the music was playing. I have made it a habit for quite a while now to pretty much always have worship playing except for during times of intentional silence. It saturates my life and this was not the first time God has used it to break through and speak exactly what I needed to hear. What do you need to hear from God? In what ways are you giving Him an opportunity to speak to your life?


God, You do turn my mourning into dancing. You have removed my grave clothes and dressed me for a party. I will not be silent. I cannot be silent. Even when my lips are not moving, even when my mind is not fully engaged, let my song of love be lifted before Your throne.

6 thoughts on “Breaking Through

  1. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Disappointment segues into mourning quickly, but God does have a way of getting through to us when He knows we need to listen. When He pursues us, it’s such an act of persistent love. Thanks for sharing your heart. Sorry you didn’t get to finish your walk–but I think you got something new out of the situation.

  2. First I wanna say I enjoyed this blog. I keep up with your blog an I like the way you format your blog to include scripture that you apply to your experiences. It brings a little understanding to the scripture for the reader. But this post i specifically enjoyed more than others. Because before I had actually committed and accepted that god is real. I was going through some dark times an making a lot of bad decisions. Which inevitably led me to questioning things about life an god. An every time I was living through one of those questions I would within a day or so find answers on the radio. I had a delivery job at the time. So I was in the car all the time. An when nothing was on my usual stations. I would flip through one station at a time. An it seemed whenever I was experiencing something that led to questions. I would be flipping through an catch a preacher giving a sermon. An the first words I’d hear as the station hit would be the very thing I was confronting at that moment. An now because of these reoccurring messages for god I am a devoted christian. An whenever I have a need for a radio those stations are being played. An I still find myself getting messages that I need to hear. Now instead of leading me to god these messages give me wisdom that I apply to becoming a christian with a continual growth in both my understanding and my personal relationship with the father

  3. Can completely relate. The plans going ary. The apathy (or in my case sometimes turning into deep depression). Also to the intentional decision to have worship music playing 24/7, unless there was a need for intentional silence. Great post! I am praying over you. ♡

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