By Mia

Read: Numbers 21:1-22:20, Luke 1:26-56, Psalm 57:1-11, Proverbs 11:9-11

Then the people of Israel set out from Mount Hor, taking the road to the Red Sea to go around the land of Edom. But the people grew impatient with the long journey, and they began to speak against God and Moses. “Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die here in the wilderness?” they complained. “There is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And we hate this horrible manna!” So the Lord sent poisonous snakes among the people, and many were bitten and died. Then the people came to Moses and cried out, “We have sinned by speaking against the Lord and against you. Pray that the Lord will take away the snakes.” So Moses prayed for the people.
Numbers 21:4-7

Relate:
This narrative occurred during the Israelites’ journey towards the promised land flowing with milk and honey, they endured forty years of wandering through the wilderness, unable to reach their destination directly. Initially, I couldn’t help but think that the Israelites’ lack of trust in the Lord was somewhat foolish. After all, why would you complain when whatever you’re doing is for your own benefit?

However, as I think about it more, I find parallels between their journey and my own experiences. In 2022, my family came to the Philippines for missions and my study. Adjusting to this new environment wasn’t seamless. Everything felt foreign – from the surroundings and language to the climate and cuisine. I struggled to acclimate and view this new place as home, even if it was only temporarily until my high school graduation. My discomfort, coupled with a fear of insects and bugs, often led to incessant complaints to my parents about every inconvenience, no matter how trivial. Despite my longing to return back home, I knew deep down that once I took that step, there would be no turning back.

Like the Israelites, I struggle with the tendency to find fault in every aspect of life. I complain about not being able to wear winter clothes, not being able to visit my old friends and families, the presence of bugs, and the heat. I know that I should be thankful for what I have. Gratitude is important, but it’s a struggle to embody it fully. Life seems to go against my desires at every turn. I know that it’s common in every single person’s life, but I often feel like I’m being punished for something I didn’t do. Reflecting on the Israelites’ experience, I’m starting to surmise that the things that made me cry and made me feel like I didn’t deserve them might all have happened because of my lack of gratitude. I’m not sure if it’s really that everything I do will come back to me, like karma, but yes, I see now how disastrous complaining is in a person’s life.

React:
If I’m giving advice to someone else, I would confidently tell them that there are so many things they should be thankful for. Their family, their friends, a place to live, a school to attend, the chance to go to church, etc. Yet, when it comes to my own life, I struggle to recognize these blessings. Or I should say that even if I do know these are my blessings, I find fault in every single one of them. The weight of other people’s judgments and opinions of me consumes a significant portion of my time and energy, leaving me perpetually stressed.

During moments of self-disappointment, I’m overwhelmed by the idea that my life is a mess. I catch myself complaining about matters that aren’t even within my realm of concern, increasing my disappointment in both myself and my relationship with my family and my God. It’s not a matter of whether I’m thankful, because even if I am thankful, the stress persists. I still complain because of my stress. To avoid falling into the trap of self-blame and incessant complaining, I’ve learned to hit the brakes, slow down, and approach my problems from a different angle. What if there exists a solution to my struggles, a way to ease the cycle of overthinking and dissatisfaction? This shift in perspective offers a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness of my self-doubt.

Respond:

Dear God,
I come to you with a heavy heart, burdened by the weight of my overthinking and constant complaints. Each day is a struggle as I find myself consumed by thoughts of potential failure. I’m affected by the thought that perhaps everyone around me is just pretending to like me, concealing any true feelings of dislike or animosity. Yet, you know that even if it’s true, I still have you as my one and only God. At the end of the day, you are the only one who will stay with me. Because everything will fade away, all the mistakes I’ve made and the things I did wrong will all disappear because you have wiped them all away. Help me, Lord, to shift my focus from dwelling on flaws and imperfections to embracing the beauty of the blessings you have bestowed upon me. Everything I have, everything I am, is a gift from you, and I must trust in your divine wisdom and guidance. Though they faced trials and tribulations, their ultimate destination—the promised land—remained steadfast. Help me to see beyond my current struggles and imperfections, recognizing that they are but temporary. Remind me to put all my worries and struggles in your hands, for you are in control of all things.
Amen